hi guys.. i am in gujarat.
nice city..cant say anything about the rest of the state. anand is the place where i stay. not much different from my homestate. the only conspicuous difference is, here the state government is not debt-ridden and there is absolutely no dearth of water and electricity_use it as much as you like.
i am trying to identify myself as one among the rest.i came here with an intention to find out who am i..or, to be precise...what am i worth..am i worth anything or am i worth nothing? am i just worth the life of a dog..or am i worth every bit of happiness that comes everybody's way?
u wont believe..ihad friends, i had a good academic life (i am still proud to be a topper of my college) i had dreams etc..bt i was still leading a dog's life inside..deep inside. Sometimes, in case of some people, emotions, memories and interpretations about their life, bog them down. Bt in my case, i was bogged down not because any thought infiltered my mind but because a serious physiological abnormality kept me down and out everytime. If i ask my closest friends today, whther deepak to them is same as everybody else? After much coaxing they might say.. deepak was slightly not like the rest.
Now, i know and now u all guys know why i am not like the rest. Sadly, no one else knows as much abt my struggle with my body as i do. and this makes my life all the more dog-like.
I would love to be an extrovert, i would love to shout and sing merrily the song of life, i would love to flirt with every good looking girl that i meet but every simple wish fails to materialise because of my inability to speak in a articulative and/or impressive manner. How can i narrate the trauma that i experience in a social situation when everybody seems to be so beautiful in their speech except me?!
NO..its not stammering. Stammering can be cured and even if it is not, many stammerers happily cruise through life as if nothing is wrong with them. I have 2 stammerers in my family and they are quite happy. But my problem is..what we call in medical parlance.. more pervasive and interfering with my day-to-day activites so much that i feel like avoiding things that all of my friends and relatives do well..in a smooth fashion. I will call it "neuro-oral-motor" disorder. That is the only way i can describe it rightly.
I have more to write and reveal. My next post will contain the remaining analysis. Right now, i have just one request..plz stay with me guys.
